Lava Lamp - ID# 103
Franklin High School
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
Dramatic narrative from original script by Olivia Devendorf.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/28 9:17 am - Works Well - Interesting concept and simple, dialogue-based structure. Nice job incorporating poetic ideas and use of metaphor. Good use of locations to add shot variety and texture. Fun twist and “flashback” near the end. Needs Work - The editing method was a bit too jarring for the tone of the film, cutting back and forth for each character’s line. The artistic intentions were there, but the script felt like it needed another draft to work out some of its unnatural dialogue. Also - is this called “Lava Lamp” or “Kaleidoscope”?
- 4/27 2:04 pm - Overall, your short made a strong impact on me. This was not just a short film, it was a work of art about the human experience. I strongly encourage you to continue making short films and continue writing stories. What needed work: I didn't catch the significance of the cutaway at 0:36 the first time I viewed your short. I would suggest holding that shot for a moment longer to allow its meaning to sink in. With the courage to feature so much dialogue comes the challenge of capturing clean audio! There was a lot of clothing rustle and wind sounds in your short. Having someone fully dedicated to gathering clean audio on set goes a long way. Another method for capturing clean sound is to both use wireless lavs and have a boom pole operator. That way, you can choose whichever is best in the editing room. What worked: Heartfelt, poetic, excellent dialogue. Most student shorts avoid dialogue because it is so challenging. Your short's reliance on dialogue is a strength that truly separates it from the rest of the entries. I love the montage/transition to the bleachers that begins at 1:11. You have a strong variety of shots and angles throughout. The story is powerful and universal.
- 4/13 11:22 am - This is a very detailed and well thought out storyline. I like the comparisons of kaleidoscopes and lava lamps as it really does reflect both characters. There is a clear message that makes the story easy to watch and enjoyable. I really liked it! I could tell that you probably filmed a lot in windy conditions. The audio is audible but it could still use some work. I mention J and L cuts in my comments below. This could really help smooth out your audio cuts and pops between clips. Again, for the amount of wind you had in a couple of scenes, I could tell you did some heavy audio editing to get rid of it. You had a variety of camera shots and angles that you used. You used a lot of the 180 degree rule which is great! I would have liked to see some close ups or extreme close ups when we see more emotion from one of the characters at 3:49. The lighting changed throughout your video which I think worked and did not work at times. The very first scene transitioning into the second scene worked, because it was more of a passage of time. The characters also had different clothes on. The lighting of the sun dramatically changed at 2:21 and into the last scene where the sky was mostly covered with clouds. When shooting, aim to film on days where there is similar weather, or try to get the most important shots outside done first. Your editing is clear and it does help deliver your story! There is just some extra audio work needed. I love this opening scene! Be careful when shooting in harsh sunlight (especially during the middle of the day). This can create harsh shadows on your actors’ faces or even cause them to squint too much. As a suggestion, next time if you are shooting outside during a sunny day, it may be helpful so sit your actors down in a shaded area that way you still have some control of light. 0:19 to 1:06 - I’m not sure what kind of microphone you used here. I can tell that it was probably a windy day shooting this scene. The audio is still very audible, although there are changes in background noise when you cut from different angles of each character. It’s not too noticeable. At times you can hear small pops of noise between cuts. I would suggest utilizing J and L cuts. This is where you layer your audio track on different tracks. You then extend the beginning and ends of each track so that they blend into each other. Sometimes these J and L cuts may not work depending on when your audio starts and ends. 0:35 - This is a great shot to include! It reveals so much about the story and characters. 1:08 - When we cut to the black frame here, you can fade out the audio of the dialogue so that we don’t hear the noise just “cut off”. Then you could also start the audio track here and fade into it. 1:15 - Great addition here with the sound effects of background noise! 1:19 - We do get some pretty prominent wind noise here. I would bring down the audio of this clip so that we don’t hear it. You could keep that SFX of people talking from the previous clip ove this part instead. 1:53 - The audio repeats itself here just for a tiny second! When finished editing, be sure to listen with headphones so that you can tweak any audio issues you may hear. 2:10 - The audio in this scene is a little quiet from one of the characters. I’m not sure if this was brought down because of the wind. It may have caused some unwanted noise. Make sure that your audio levels are correctly balanced. 2:21 - The background is overexposed in this shot. You want to avoid shooting into the sun. Again, I’m not sure what camera you used or what resources you had available to you. If the sun is super bright outside you can always use a neutral density filter (ND Filter). Sometimes the camera has this built in, or you need to buy a set of them to put on your lens. Essentially, ND filters are like “sunglasses” for your camera. The filter blocks the light in a neutral way without changing the color of the light. This can help you expose your scene correctly without having blown out portions in your frame due to the sun. 2:50 - Great use of sound here! It really helps move the story forward and really confirms to the audience that Samantha is only and “imagination” 3:17 - There is a smudge on the frame (Upper right third). Before filming, make sure to double check that your camera lens and camera sensor are clean. You can so this by pointing your camera a white wall or paper and see if you see any “dirty specs” It's also handy to have a lens wipe! 3:24 - The sound here is very different as it sounds muffled. 3:30 - Great use of the 180 degree rules with your characters. However, make sure that you pay attention to things in the background of your frame. At times, the fence sticks through both of your characters' heads. 3:49 - This is a great cut! We see the character’s reaction to what the other character is saying about her!
Judge 1
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Judge 2
Positives: The concept of shooting down the barrel of the Kaleidescope is extremely creative. Crop the image in so I can see more of it! When the camera moved and the character disappeared it was flawless. Good job.
Improvements: When they have the interaction underneath the bleachers- The lighting changed as the day went on. It was distracting from what they were saying. Audio was not consistent between characters.
Judge 3
Positives: I thought you told a great story and it had plenty of emotion and a great collection of creative shots.
Improvements: I feel like the dailogue with the student in the Wisconsin sweatshirt could have been better... "Okay what is up with you?" when you know your friend died is pretty abrasive.
Judge 4
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