At Once - ID# 252
Oak Park River Forest
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A girl who is secretly in love with her best friend struggles with whether or not she should kiss her, as she knows it could result in her getting everything she wants by being with her, or losing the person she cares about most.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/28 6:07 pm - What works: The story was clear, well crafted, and well executed. The black and white for her imagination works well. Your ability to tell a powerful story through only images and instrumental music was impressive. You did a great job of conveying and communicating universal experiences. What needed work: The bulk of your footage is medium shots. On one hand, it creates a consistency of image that works. However, for a festival submission, I would suggest including wide/long shots and close ups as well. Unless you submit to the Music Video category, it is really important to include sound other than music as well. I would also suggest working on color grading a bit more to convey emotion beyond just black and white. Final thoughts: I like this a lot, but I feel strongly that since there was no sound besides the music, it should have gone into the Music Video Category instead. The lack of dialogue or non-music audio made it difficult to judge this for sound.
- 4/28 9:29 am - Works Well - Good use of black and white imagery to distinguish reality from imagination. Good choice of music. Nice job telling a visual narrative without dialogue. Good variety of shots. Needs Work - The first fade seemed out of place, considering you later use fades to switch from reality to imagination. Some of the fade transitions look a little rough.
- 4/27 8:39 pm - I think it’s great that you include the good and the bad scenes. It really helps show the story and the potential benefits/consequences of the character. It’s also an interesting way to tell a story. I like your choice of soundtrack. I think it works well throughout your film, especially as it gets louder when the “bad” or “unwanted” scenes occur. I think what could be improved upon is camera work. You already have some really good shots and different angles. I would like to see more close ups. Close ups help show the character’s emotion. In your film, you portray different kinds of emotions so it would be nice to see those up close. We see a little bit more of this in the “bad” flashbacks. I think you could also improve upon lighting. Lighting really helps with the mood and tone of your film. I know you made the flashbacks black and white but maybe for the positive thoughts you make the lighting brighter, and for the negative thoughts the lighting is darker. Right now lighting just seems universal. Overall I think this is an interesting way to tell a story. It keeps the audience engaged! 0:09 - Watch out when shooting outside, some of the natural light may be too harsh in the middle of the day. Usually golden hour (just before or after sunset) is a good time to shoot since the sun is not so harsh. 0:28 - Great idea using the black and white to imply what the character is thinking about!
Judge 1
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Judge 2
Positives: I liked the use of B&W in order to tell the audience that this is a fantasy and separate from real life.
Improvements: I wish there was dialogue between the characters so we got to know their relationship better.
Judge 3
Positives: I think the way you told the story worked great with the kind of retrospective thought that you showcased. The going back and forth from the black and white really worked for how you told this story.
Improvements: Lighting was pretty shadowy at times, working with the sun is quite difficult. I would have liked to seen more variety of shots overall -- the shots were fine but it was a ton of medium shots. I do believe I saw one jump cut as well.
Judge 4
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