Flowers - ID# 368
Batavia
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
Flowers is a story about a girl named Rose struggling to handle the emotional and educational responsibilities of her life, until someone notices her before she wilts.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/28 4:23 pm - What works: The sound is very good. The cinematography is superb. The subtle movements in the still-like shots go a long way in making this short cinematic. The composition and detail in the wide shot at 1:29 is stunning. 2:20 - Holding the moment where the main character pauses and looks at the student that asked to spend time with her was an excellent editing instinct! It is those moments that allow stories to breathe and audiences to soak up the emotions of the characters – excellent choice. 2:38 – Excellent job using the bubbles to represent the texts on screen, this is a much stronger choice than cutting to a cellphone. What needed work: I have very, very few criticisms of this short. The one issue I do have is the cutting to a black frame. I've noticed this is a popular trend among young editors, but I think it only takes away from your edit. It is not a strong transition. I would instead suggest removing the black frames and seeing how it feels. This would cause what we call "hard cuts," but if you time it to the music, they can actually be very impactful. If you were to reshoot everything (I would not suggest this!), then I would say that you should have transition shots. For example, at 2:24 – you could start with an exposition shot of outside the school or footage of other students walking down the hallway. Final thoughts: I am genuinely stunned at how much story and emotion you were able to pack into 2:51. Somehow you did all of that without making the edit feel rushed and while holding onto key moments and character reactions. As you hopefully can tell, I am very impressed by this short. You have an outstanding mastery of the craft. All of your hard work truly paid off. Fantastic, fantastic job.
- 4/28 9:28 am - Works Well - Very nice cinematography, lighting and editing. Good use of fades. Good choice of music. Good setup of narrative without dialogue in the first part. Needs Work - The story works, but at times the script feels cliche. You might even be able to remove the dialogue altogether and still get the story across with your shots. Lastly, create proper credits for the end of this film, and remove the “by: Ivan” in the beginning. Treat it like a real film, not a school project.
- 4/27 2:28 pm - Overall I really enjoyed watching this film. It has a great story that I think a lot of people can personally connect with. Your camera shots and angles are crisp and you have a great variety of them. I love your opening shot, but I do think your subject could use just a tiny bit of more headroom. You demonstrate a good variety of lighting within your scenes and it’s very pleasing. One thing that can be improved is audio. You already do a great job with audio, but I think having the patience to clean it up just a bit more can help. Audio may not be the most favorite to edit, but it can make or break a film. Below I mention the use of a tripod. Using a tripod may seem “lame”. However, placing the camera on a tripod gives you more time to think about the shots, and slows you down (in a good way). You get more time to think about the shot that you are filming and you can really think about techniques (rule of thirds, golden rule, how is the lighting affecting the frame, white balance, etc). 0:22 - Great use of background noise and sound track here. The background noise gives us an insight into what the character experiences outside of school. 0:23 - You use soft lighting here which fits the scene! 1:10 - There is a weird background sound here. I don’t think it is intentional. When editing make sure you listen back with headphones! 1:13 - There is another background sound here similar to the clip at 1:10 1:22 - In this scene, I think you could really use a tripod. This is just an assumption, but you probably wanted to go handheld to get that “raw” feeling of a breakup. I think using a tripod would still work here. Sometimes the handheld feel distracts from the scene. 1:26 - I like how you edit on the beat of the soundtrack! Great job! 1:47 - This scene has great quality audio! 1:52 - Great use of the 180 rule
Judge 1
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Judge 2
Positives: Whoever shot this- Keep shooting. This short has a clear style and that is something a lot of cinematographers take have a hard time achieving. Making every frame feel like they belong together. This is a very powerful story. I loved the ending where you showed not tell.
Improvements: I think the audio was only recorded on one channel. There are ways to fix it in post but the most ideal would be check the equipment before shooting.
Judge 3
Positives: The sound with the fighting in the background and the music under and the music under with the dialogue was excellent The narrative of the story might be my favorite and wasn't too heavy of material but very relatable for a lot people
Improvements: The audio during the breakup scene felt hollow and off
Judge 4
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