MMEA Fest

16th Birthday Short - ID# 360

Metea Valley

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

Copyright Info

Recent Teacher Comments

4/28 6:38 pm - What works: Cool use of candlelights. Great use of J and L cutting for that first hard cut at 0:10. Nice use of location sound in the opening montage! Overall, your shots are well composed and well thought out. It is a strong story for only 1:37. What needed work: There is a weird "ou" sound at the start of the short film. I would suggest beginning with an audio transition and cutting out the half of the word "you" to begin. At times, the music is louder than the narration and it is difficult to hear her. I appreciate that you let the music continue for a beat after revealing that the main character misses her sister. However, I think it would add to the weight of that moment to also include one more shot. You could get creative about what that final shot is, it could almost be anything, but you want the audience to sit in that moment a tad longer. Final thoughts: Powerful and well-crafted short! I wish it was longer and that we had more time with the character, but I assume you were working with a time limitation from an assignment.
4/28 9:33 am - Works Well - Great cinematography and lighting. Nice variety of shots with and interesting compositions. Music worked well to set the mood. Well-paced editing. Consistent style throughout. Good reveal at the end. Needs Work - The lipstick shot was focused on her hair instead of the lipstick. The overall vibe felt a bit too intimate, especially with so many of the shots being in the shower. It didn’t really make sense that she woke up, showered, got dressed, then had cake. Visually, it looked cool, but narratively, that detail was confusing.
4/27 9:29 pm - The narration throughout your film is very crisp and clear. It is super easy to understand! Great job with that. You also have a lot of great natural sound. I’m glad that you decided to include that in your edit. Sound can really make or break a film but you did great with it! Your story flows well with your editing overall. There aren’t really shots that linger too long or that are too short. I think you do a great job with the camera shots, but your camera work could be improved upon. A lot of your shots are a bit shaky. I would suggest using a tripod. A tripod gives you more time to think about the shots, and slows you down (in a good way). You get more time to think about the shot that you are filming and you can really think about techniques (rule of thirds, golden rule, how is the lighting affecting the frame, white balance, etc). It also helps your footage look more stable. I think most of your shorts are lit well. The last shot could use a bit more light. Maybe you could include a light of a camera flash since that is usually common during a birthday. 0:02 - This is a great opening shot! I love the set decor. 0:41 - There is a sound pop here. It’s potentially the towel hitting the mic 0:59 - I really wish the camera was focused on the lipstick in the character’s hand here! 1:29 - Shot is a little dark here. It’s hard to see the emotion on the character’s face so I wish we had a cutaway to a close up of the character. You did a great job with framing in this clip.

Judge 1

Positives:

Improvements:

Judge 2

Positives: You made this celebration more personal to the character we are watching by adding the sister plot point. I really enjoyed that.

Improvements: The audio cuts in and out when the characters talks. A way to fix this is to take room tone. 30-60 seconds of silence. You would be suprised how much it'll help clear those gaps in audio.

Judge 3

Positives: The narrative of your story is great -- and the video showcased a diversity of shots and I like that you kept it short and sweet instead of trying to overdo it. The lighting in the birthday cake shot worked well -- and I like how you started and ended on the birthday shot to bring it all together.

Improvements: There is some discontent between when you used natural sound and when you didn't, try and keep it consistent. I would have liked a freeze shot at the beginning when you blow out your candles and then have the natural bird sound begin over that then go to the bed shot next.

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: