Breakup - ID# 378
Highland Park
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
Alex receives apathetic text messages from his girlfriend and suspects the worst.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/6 4:06 pm - 100% agree with other judges
- 3/5 10:28 am - This feels like a good jumping off point to learning how to shoot a scene with two actors, though you made some very common flaws that all beginners make. The other issue is that the video and script just doesn't reflect a comedy, though maybe it's a nod to something else in popular culture that I just am not aware of. Parody is also very hard, because you need to ensure the audience recognizes what is being parodied. In any case, your story is very one-dimensional in that the conflict and relationship never moves beyond the initial problem. A good rule to follow is that each beat or scene should elevate the tension and problem. The boy's problem was just cheating, her issue was that she was not, and it really never went beyond that issue. Getting back to some of the common beginner mistakes I saw, your shot were all basically wide and medium shots, with only a couple of instances where the actors really filled the screen. Reaction shots should be close-up, so the audience really feels the actor's response to the situation. Also, give the audience a perspective to follow, either the girl's or the boys. This feels almost like security footage and it's hard to root for either person. The audio could use some work and a simply trick is to record with a phone, especially since the phone is already being used as a prop. Your phone can pick up audio much better than the camera microphone because it's meant for audio AND it's close to your actors. Finally, your editing and pace could be picked up a bit. Learn about J and L cuts when editing dialogue scenes, it's a game changer and helps the pace and achieves that natural back and forth that happens in conversations. Keep up the good work, this was an ambitious undertaking and I applaud your attempt.
- 2/24 1:32 pm - STORY: I’m not sure why this is in the comedy category. There weren’t any comical situations. Your actors have to take your script (and your direction) seriously, even with a comedy. A few times they cracked a smile when they were supposed to be serious. CAMERA: The camera shots were almost all at eye level. You need to mix up your shots into a wider variety of angles and compositions. Way too much headroom when the couple encounters each other in the courtyard outside of school. EDITING: Your editing was a bit choppy. It felt like you made an edit for every single line of dialogue. You should explore the idea of using J-cuts, L-cuts, or reaction shots so that your visual story is continuous and smooth. LIGHTING: The areas in which you shot were well-lit. AUDIO: The audio was a bit rough. Each person’s dialogue should have fallen into the range of -6 to -12 db on the VU meter. Music should have been way lower in the mix, in the -18 to -24 db range.
Judge 1
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 2
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 3
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 4
Positives:
Improvements: