"A Positive Body" - ID# 402
New Trier
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
MMEA 2022 Dramatic Narrative Submission
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/28 12:19 pm - What works: The tone of the voice over is a great mix between sounding supportive and sinister. The script is really well written. The montage sequences communicate so much information is an impactful way. The overlaying of footage at 4:00 works extremely well. Love the music choices. The dramatic moment of him grabbing the burger is movie magic. It is those types of moments that make people love cinema. What needed work: Something that could have brought it to another level would have been to include sound from your on location filming. It would be a ton of work with the great variety of shots, but it would make a big difference. Final thoughts: You have a true mastery of the craft and storytelling. I would encourage you to keep telling important stories hinging on human struggles and conflicts. The next big challenge is capturing and mixing audio. Excellent job!
- 4/28 9:23 am - Works Well - Great cinematography and editing. Lots of interesting and well-composed shots. Good, simple concept. Needs Work - The inner voice was a great idea, but the sound of it didn’t quite work. The voice sounded robotic or artificial at times, but then it got emotional too, which felt out of place. The effect on it also suggested horror, but there wasn’t enough scary stuff to make this a horror film. Maybe the best choice is to make the voice sound like a real human speaking to himself. The story started out strong, but the ending was a little unclear. It seems like you were going for a very dramatic end, but something was missing.
- 4/27 12:19 pm - I think you made the right choice by making the lighting and color grading darker as it adds to the tone/mood of this film. I also think that adding the voice over really helps move the story forward. Without the voice over, you would still have a great story, but the voice really almost acts as the voice of the character and what’s going on in their mental battle. I think your editing and story have a great pace. I think you do a great job by adding the “dizzy” effect at 2:50. Again, the voice over is great, but make sure when editing that you are paying attention to when audio peaks. After about the 2nd minute mark when the voice gets louder, there may be a few times where the audio does peak. Please see my comments below. 2:01 - This is a great shot here! The pan over to the magazines here really reveals more about the character. 2:19 - As the voice gets louder here, it sounds like the audio does speak. Most editors agree that your overall audio level of your audio mix (all of your audio combined) should fall between -10db to -20db (db = decibels). 2:50 - This is a great shot that includes editing. I would like to actually hear the character struggling. Maybe we hear him sigh or yell. 4:08 - Love the lighting here! This is significantly different from the rest of the film. It’s much warmer and seems more positive.
Judge 1
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Judge 2
Positives: This is amazing. The story is extremely relevant yet it doesn't get talked about a lot. There is a lot of pressure we put on ourselves. Whoever shot this- Some of these frames looks spectacular. Great lighting and composition. I really enjoyed your movement of the camera to reveal the magazines.
Improvements: The narrator goes on for a little too long. I think the intensity is right but you have to know when to add it and when to let the visuals talk for you. Show don't tell. Some shots where not as strong as others. Lighting did not match cuts at all times.
Judge 3
Positives: I think your idea about the cycle of improving your body image and how it can be toxic was very relatable. There's some quality shots of angst with the closeups and the music and narration worked well with what your were trying to convey.
Improvements: I think some natural sound of the waves splashing when swimming (among other possibilities of natural sound) would have added to the editing I thought the narrative was a little confusing at first. Adding something towards the beginning of someone seemingly shaming the lead actor would have helped add to the idea that there's other factors at play for the poor body image. I know it's about self image but a lot of self image comes from outside factors too.
Judge 4
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