Duly Noted - ID# 106
Maine South
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
After lending a notebook to his friend, Raphael (Franky Alesi), Stephan (Mo Baasim) confronts him about his missing notebook. Stephan quickly finds himself being told a series of stories he hadn't bargained for.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/27 10:54 am - Works well - Really fun premise and entertaining to watch. Well written, plus a creative story structure and funny details. Nice acting performances. Technically well done on all counts. Needs work - The "duly noted" line doesn't really work, which is a shame because everything else does.
- 2/24 2:34 pm - VERY well edited. Bravo on the lighting and editing. The acting was good. The story was ok. Fairly amusing.
- 2/21 1:39 pm - Camera: nice crisp camera shots - in focus, solid compositions. Nice use of camera movement to push in on the characters during the interrogation. Lighting: Most of the film demonstrated solid lighting. Some of the flashback shots could have used a little more lighting, even if the intent was for the scene to seem dimly lit. Sound: Good clean audio mix. Dialogue levels were on point, nice mix with sound effects and music beds. Editing: you spelled cinematography incorrectly in your opening title. Wow. Despite that minor oops, your editing pace was great. The transitions between the present tense and the flashbacks worked well. Story: simple premise, well executed. The actors played their parts well.
Judge 1
Positives: Really excellent story-within-story interweave. Pretty complicated thing to try and put multiple narratives together, and they did it well. Loved the echo/repetition of shots/moments (multiples down the hall, multiples entering from the darkness of the stage)
Improvements: Could have stood for more comedic build/heightening from each story to the next... Felt like we had her version (brief), then his version (longer), then the 'shakespearean' version (very long, and with sudden change to costume, affect etc. So - The 3rd beats changes (new character, accents, lighting changes) felt sudden, and unearned; should have had more comedic changes to 2nd beat story. Like, the moment of light shining down and hearing the pterodactyl? Good, the entire 2nd story should have that level of additional material. - Structure grew more COMPLICATED with each version/iteration, but need to go much sillier in order to humor to increase. Seems like they right spent a lot of time making sure it would work for comprehension, could have gone really big and weird at the end.
Judge 2
Positives: clever transitional arrangements nice delivery from female lead
Improvements: hard to follow notebook significance, what is it about it other than a lost notebook. could it contain something of importance?
Judge 3
Positives: Great pacing, great storytelling using flashbacks, and good job going back and forth smoothly between the past and present. Excellent work!
Improvements: While the overall plot was engaging, I couldn't help but feel that it could have been strengthened with a more exciting plot device than a notebook. Perhaps a bit more information or backstory about the notebook would have helped me to feel more invested in it as a viewer. Nonetheless, you should be proud of this film, as it's really fantastic! Keep up the great work!
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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