Hard to Stomach - ID# 11
Lyons Township
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
An already awkward date turns very strange as constant interruptions reveal a third wheel.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/24 10:26 am - Works well - Overall great script with funny jokes. Charmingly bizarre. This film knew what it was and stuck to it confidently. Good performances from talent. Cheesy elements support the tone. Keep writing and creating weird stuff like this! Needs work - The stomach sound were possibly too loud and/or too gross. We didn't need this to be gross, just weird. The ending was funny, but maybe underdeveloped.
- 3/2 12:54 pm - Well done - to the performers. The audio for the stomach noise was a little too loud relative to the dialogue.
- 2/21 2:38 pm - Camera: camera work was solid. A lot of close ups and tight shots. Lighting: Lighting was appropriate for the scene. Sound: good use of ambient restaurant noise to make the scene believable. The “voice” inside the stomach caught me off guard, but once I understood what was happening, it worked well. Editing: the pace worked well, particularly the long takes during awkward parts of the date. Story: this story was weirdly funny. The awkward date itself was funny, but adding the alien inside the guy’s stomach took it to a different level.
Judge 1
Positives: Strong beginning to scene - lots of non-sequitors (water for free, obviously bad wig, etc), clear comedic perspective from the rude guy, good start. Has a Tim and Eric, I Think You Should Leave energy. Fun to give a perspective to the stomach - sounds rude and... Australian? English? Uncertain.
Improvements: It was apparent from about 50% through that we were building to a reveal with his stomach, and then clear that the stomach was talking. So, that kinda weakened any surprise. Further, the stomach talking didn't add anything; it offered an explanation of what was going on in the moment, but then didn't add anything. Dude put his head down - I think(?) it was a stab at anti-comedic ending, BUT, with all the build-up, we needed something more than just a slow fade out. So, interesting beginning, but it didn't build and then it faded.
Judge 2
Positives: challenging concept.
Improvements: mix of establishing shots with close up could be improved
Judge 3
Positives: This short had me laughing consistently throughout, and I was quite impressed by its originality and natural humor. The interesting and bizarre choices you made added an extra layer of excitement, and I appreciated how effortlessly the comedy flowed. I am perhaps a little biased because this very much reminds me of the type of film I would make with my friends when I was this age. Keep up the great work and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future.
Improvements: It wasn't easy for me to muster up anything too critical here because I had so much fun, but I can suggest a couple areas for improvement. While your primary character was entertaining and engaging, it may have been even more impactful if he experienced some sort of transformation or growth by the end of the film. This could help create a clearer arc and give your story a stronger sense of purpose. Additionally, while the restaurant setting was effectively conveyed through the dialogue and action, adding in some props or a shot of the set table could have further sold the environment and made the scenes even more immersive. However, I will say that the low production value in that regard was actually quite charming and didn't detract from the humor at all. Overall, your work is undeniably hilarious and shows a lot of potential. Keep up the great work!
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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