The Old Man - ID# 167
Homewood-Flossmoor
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A dramatic story about an old man who lost his hands in a car accident and woke up with something new in their place.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/24 3:05 pm - Your short film's cinematography and color grade have a distinct style that is appropriate to the tone of the film. I appreciated the decision to film in 4:3 (up until the violence breaks out) – it worked well with the framing and composition choices and reinforced the "old" idea. Very strong acting and directing. I liked the props of the hands – quite clever and cool. A lot of effort went into the sound design, such as the birds singing and phone effects – excellent work. The hair and makeup was very impressive. I liked the idea of a voice memo working as narration to help diegetically move the story along. The biggest gaps are in the story. The switch from the protagonist being a victim to an action hero was filmed very well with great effects, but it felt out of nowhere in the story. Arguably the biggest challenge in a short film is providing enough context so that the ending doesn't feel like it comes out of nowhere. Perhaps more context provided in the beginning with the narration could have foreshadowed the dramatic turn. Perhaps introducing the characters who attack the protagonist earlier could have led to a higher payoff. This short is really good and nothing says you can't make a longer version to fill in the story's gaps. Perhaps a first act could be added before the character wakes to make the ending feel less like it comes out of nowhere. Another option is a second act inserted to introduce the attackers or an impending sense of danger. Overall, awesome job! You are clearly someone well versed in filmmaking! Hope to see more of your work in future festivals!
- 3/3 10:13 am - Story: I think the story becomes more clear when we get to the end of your film. It would be nice to have something at the beginning to show who the character is and what he does (need more background). Maybe a flashback or dream sequence to whatever happened or something that relates to what was said in the voicemails. Sound: At 1:52 I wish that we could hear the natural audio in the setting. It just sounds weird here without hearing the footsteps of the character. In general I would suggest incorporating J and L cuts so we don’t “hear” your audio cuts. For example, we can hear the audio cut at 1:55. J and L cuts are where you layer your audio over each other on multiple tracks. You then extend the beginning and ends of each track so that they blend into each other. Sometimes these J and L cuts may not work depending on when your audio starts and ends. At 2:17 your soundtrack fights with the voicemail. It’s hard to hear what is being said. Camera: You had some great camera work in the fighting scene. It matches well to the fighting action and what emotion you wanted to get out of that scene. At 2:16, your shot was out of focus. There was also a tiny bit of movement. Not sure if that was intentional. But if you want a still shot, make sure that whoever is operating the camera also doesn’t move the camera. Your shot at 3:48 is also out of focus. Your background is in focus instead of the characters. Lighting: You used lighting that was available to you. I do like how you used the lighting in the bedroom. There were other scenes in the house where I wish we had some extra light so that it wasn’t so dark (ex: 2:03, 2:47). Editing: Overall your pacing was great! You did a great job with the cut when you switched over to the POV angle at 3:24. I think at 3:28, the white frame with the film effect isn’t too necessary. It could have just faded to black after that fight since the frame and shot is already so dark.
- 2/23 12:06 pm - Camera: some of the shots had soft focus, which I suspect is because you didn’t have sufficient light. Lighting: need more lighting; even when you intend for a scene to be darker, the camera still needs enough light to make a decent exposure. This impacts your image quality. Sound: background noise / soundtrack was hot in the mix. The voicemail message was hard to hear clearly and should have been higher in the mix. The jazz track was cool, but again it was too hot in the mix and it drowned out the 2nd voicemail. The sound effects during the mugging scene were also way too loud. Editing: the editing was fine; no major errors or issues. Story: story wasn’t clear; we need to know more about the character. Was he a retired superhero? Was he experimented on by a secret government agency? If he had powers, why did he let those dudes mug him and beat him up?
Judge 1
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 2
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 3
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 4
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 5
Positives:
Improvements: