Losing Control - ID# 272
Huntley
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
Losing Control: Comedic Narrative
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/27 12:59 pm - Works well - Great shots and editing. Fun and creative concept. Good performances and costuming to distinguish the two characters. Needs work - Not a strong enough dramatic arc to deliver a good comedic payoff. The story needed some work - why was she baking cookies for the mean one? The magic batteries didn't really make sense to connect her to the other character.
- 2/28 11:47 am - Need video transition from the first scene to the the second. Felt jumpy. Wanted more of a story. The premise was cute, but the set up took a little too long. Clever, but not very funny - which is extremely hard to achieve! Good audio effects.
Judge 1
Positives: Cool to have the "twins" as characters. Made for a fun pairing of the two lines of the story. Like the burned hands at the end - comedy requires something in the way of jeopardy, stakes, or danger for the characters involved. The hand burns took it away from a simple weird in convenience.
Improvements: Probably didn't even need them to interact ("would you like some cookies?") and could have just started around the idea of getting a new battery. The influence of the battery was fun, but could have stood for more (stuff like the hands burning - this battery thing is "worse" than just being moved around a bunch"). This is the core of the comedy - watching her get pulled around by the battery's influence - would have been cool to see more than just moving her back and forth (for instance, could it have made her open her phone and post something? change her personality? etc etc) Also - with no explanation of why the battery does what it does, and why the downstairs sister became nice and brought the other one some cookies at the end - we're left with a bunch of unanswered questions.
Judge 2
Positives: great establishing shot builds the tension well between characters
Improvements: work on more natural delivery of characters on interaction
Judge 3
Positives: Such a fun little short! I wasn't totally sure, but this seems like it was possibly a one-person operation, if so, that's even more impressive! Really fun use of music. I especially liked the syncing of the word "burn" with the character reaching in the oven. Great work!
Improvements: While it was a really fun idea to control the character with the video game controller, I think you could have worked in a few more fun gags there and played it out a little bit. Or maybe given us just a little more to work with between the two characters and their conflict. A little something in the way of credits would have been a nice touch, but that isn't exactly necessary.
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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