EYESEEPACK - ID# 330

Oak Forest
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description

When an injury needs a cure

Copyright Info

Recent Teacher Comments

  • 3/27 1:06 pm - Works well - Funny premise that delivered ongoing jokes. Great use of style and exaggeration. Lots of nice shot variety. Acting performances were fun. The sound effects worked perfectly within the comedy style. Overall very cohesive and unified in terms of stylistic choices. Needs work - The camera focus was not great and distracting at times. Audio levels were inconsistent.
  • 2/28 11:41 am - Cute idea. Good use of sound effects. The soft focus became distracting about 3:00 minutes in.
  • 2/21 1:05 pm - Camera: a lot of the shots had soft focus or were out of focus Lighting: you could have used more lighting in a few of the scenes. Insufficient lighting makes your camera’s image more grainy, and not in a good way. Sound: You used a ton of sound effects and music beds, which is great. BUT…your audio levels were all over the map, a lot of background noise, some of the dialogue was too loud in the mix, some of the sound effects and music were too loud in the mix. Editing: you had a flash frame (a frame of black) at about 52 seconds. Story: interesting and funny premise, and definitely over the top in a good way
Judge 1

Positives: Great to see some big, broad humor - sight gags, sound effects. I even loved the low-budget chip-on-a-string gag. Structurally - from the appropriate use of an ice pak (bruise), to the stomach to the missing limb AND THEN down to a fingernail - this was correctly structured for comedic impact.

Improvements: The central idea - that an ice pak is given in all circumstances - wasn't as clear as it should be. Part of this was the nurse's character being hard to pin down (is she friendly? Is she mean? She changes suddenly), so you wonder if you're dealing with a spiteful character. - Beats could be paced differently. Sure, take your time with the first one (the bruise), and maybe with the stomach one. But the arm, the nail (and there could be room for more beats), those should move quickly; the "i hurt my nail/nurse screams" sequence could have been half as long as it was.

Judge 2

Positives: good sound effects

Improvements: define the characters a bit more with their actions talk about the eyeseepack in dialogue

Judge 3

Positives: Lots of fun physical humor and a great use of cartoonish sound effects! This looks like it was really fun to make! Great work.

Improvements: The sound design could use a little attention, and the overall narrative could use a proper character arc to make it more engaging.

Judge 4

Positives:

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Judge 5

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