Outside My Window - Jenny Thomas - ID# 468
Riverside Brookfield
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
This is a fictional story about a boy named Thomas that hears a suspicious sound outside of his window. With no one else around, Thomas is left alone to survive in his own home.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/27 4:39 pm - Solid acting performance. Interesting sound design. Really appreciated the outside sounds that arose when he opens the window. The audio overall was well edited. Love the long take. Good color grade that matches the energy of the film. The short film length and having it only be one long take makes it difficult to compare this to longer short films with greater varieties of shots. I would suggest adding a beginning before the opening shot that contains a variety of shots and establishes a mood that shifts with the coming of the sounds outside his window. It also could have been more compelling to have a few scenes or shots after the kidnapping: for example, maybe the parents come home and wonder where he is? Maybe there is an ensuing chase? Overall, creative and well done, but I think more could be added in terms of shots and story.
- 4/21 12:52 pm - Story: I like how we know that someone is doing something with the windows, but we don’t know exactly who or what is doing it. A character alludes to the fact that it might be racoons scurrying by the trash cans. But not knowing is also what creates that suspense. It drew me into your story! Sound: Overall, your soundtrack was great! It added to the tone you were going for. You also did a great job with sound mixing. Especially at 0:13, I love how you mix the sound going from the right channel to both channels! Great choice! You did a great job with the phone calls and how they sounded as well! You had some really great sound design at 2:10 with your sound effects. Especially here, I appreciate the fact that you put the sound in the left channel to indicate that the sound was coming from the other room! Camera: From 0:28 to 1:20, you hold on this shot for a long time. It would be nice to get cutaway shots either of the character or the setting. For example, you could insert a clip of the character’s legs moving back and forth, or a much extreme close up of the character’s face. One shot that would have been nice to include is to see the legs of your character from below, walking down the hallway to the other room. This would break up your long camera shots and give you more of a variety. Overall, you demonstrate an understanding of camera composition, but I think your film would benefit from a wider variety of different shots and cutaways. Lighting: You use some lighting in your film, but I think that you could have added more. You have a couple of dark shots like at 1:48 and 2:18. Even just adding in another light and dimming it could really help. You can get really creative with using light! Whether that’s taking off a lamp shade for more light, using diffusion paper (or bed sheets as a substitute) to soften the light, or even aluminum paper or a white poster board to bounce off light. The lighting in the bedroom is okay. I would say it is just a little too bright. Editing: Overall, I do think that there was great pacing throughout your film. Adding in some extra cutaways and a variety of shots could amplify your film and open the door to add in more cuts and creative editing. I think you managed to keep your story moving at a great pace.
- 2/23 1:29 pm - Camera: camera work seemed very limited; you could have broken up the scene into a variety of different shots instead of just very long takes. This would have also helped the overall pace of the story. Lighting: some additional lighting would have helped make your image quality better. Sound: the sound was audible, and the creepy music bed worked well. The pounding heartbeat was a nice touch. Editing: more shots would have also meant more editing, and more opportunity to build suspense. But the editing here is limited, so not much to say. Story: the story was pretty simple. You executed it well, but you could also have given more information about the killer and the victim. Was this just a random strangler attack? Were there murders or burglaries in the town recently? Was this some kind of revenge? A lot of missed opportunities to make a deeper story.
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