Pomegranate - ID# 9
Lyons Township
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A modern story about an ancient myth, exploring the relationship between a mother and daughter, as well as the nature of freedom and love.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/21 1:44 pm - The acting/direction was quite impressive. The close-ups of the pomegranate at the start of the film and the chessboard were my favorite shots. A greater variety of close-ups of actors could have helped highlight their strong performances. In regards to composition, there was often too much headroom. I really appreciated the complex relationships between characters. As for camera/lighting, the scenes outside were very dark and it is clear that the camera struggled with those settings. Sometimes, when working in independent film, it is worth reworking the story to maximize equipment capabilities. I would have suggested to film the outside scenes in the day, inside, or closer to a light source. Overall, the audio was fair without major mistakes. The ending was abrupt – holding that last shot for 4 more seconds would have created a true moment. And movies are all about moments. Still, overall, nice work! You have a clear direction/voice, and I hope you keep writing stories for theater or film.
- 3/1 2:33 pm - Story: I love how the story your actors were able to portray their characters really well throughout your film. You can see the message and development clearly. Sound: Your soundtrack helped convey the mood of your film. There was a spot at the beginning of your film (0:33) where you can hear a laugh in the background. Throughout your film you can hear where your audio cuts are (Ex: 0:48, 1:56). I would suggest using J and L cuts. This is where you layer your audio track on different tracks. You then extend the beginning and ends of each track so that they blend into each other. Sometimes these J and L cuts may not work depending on when your audio starts and ends. Camera: Your camera work was fair. If you clean up your framing you could have some really great compositions within your film. The opening scene at 0:42, your character has too much head room. This is the space between a character’s head and the top of the frame. At 1:08 to 1:29 it would be nice to have closeups of both characters during this scene. Yes, this scene has a character expressing their frustrations, but with a wider shot we don’t see the emotion/frustration on both of their faces. 1:31 is an awkward shot. It doesn’t give me anything important about the characters. If it was slightly angled out more to see the characters’ faces it would be more interesting. At 2:05, you place your subject on the bottom left, and lower half of the frame. It makes it awkward to place your character in the frame that way. The character here has too much head room between the top of her head and the top edge of the frame. You probably could have placed the character’s eyes on the top half of the rule of thirds, still keeping her on the left side of the frame. There is another awkward shot at 4:38. You use the 180 rule here, but I would use different framing for your shot. You want the mother on the left side of the frame (which you have). However, the daughter is alo on the left side of the frame. In this kind of shot, ideally, you would want to have the daughter on the right side of the frame. You have a great close up at 4:01! Lighting: I can see that you used lighting that was available to you. However, your outdoor shots struggled. At 0:56 to 1:13, 1:42 and 4:04 your scenes get very pixelated. Since you were shooting in the dark with just one light source, your camera was probably adjusting to let more light in (if it was set to auto). Editing: There was great pacing overall. I do feel that your film ends abruptly with the last shot. Maybe it's worth finishing the edit as the character walks out the door at 4:50?
- 2/23 10:55 am - Camera: Camera work was okay, but your framing wasn’t. In the first kitchen scene, you leave a ton of room behind the characters in each shot. Instead, you should have left room in FRONT of them, in the direction they are looking. This is called the lead room or looking room. It looks like you recognized this or fixed it in the 2nd kitchen scene where the mom character confronts the daughter. Lighting: You need more lighting in a lot of these scenes. Even when you intend for a scene to take place at night, you need additional lighting. The night scenes in particular were way too dark. Insufficient lighting makes your video image quality fall apart. Sound: Your sound was noisy; too much background hiss. It sounds like you tried to fix it, but in truth the sound would have been better if you had used a shotgun microphone and brought it in closer to the actor. The music beds helped make the dilemma more believable. Editing: The pace of editing was fine for the story. Story: Interesting story idea. It felt a little bit like a theater production, but it was an interesting dynamic between the main actors.
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